How to Calm an Agitated Person with Just One Word

This technique can be used with anyone. However, it probably works best with persons with whom you have a relatively close relationship. It is not safe to use this technique when you are driving or operating machinery. This is because it places you in a light trance state, which you then allow the other person to borrow.

The first step in this six step process is to notice that the other person is agitated and to refrain from mentioning this fact.

The second step is to notice the rate at which the person (let’s call him Bart) is breathing. This can be ascertained by watching the rise and fall of his chest, the expansion and contraction of his ribcage, changes in the size of his nostrils, the rise and fall of his abdomen, subtle changes in the position of his chin, or the fluttering of hairs on his mustache. If Bart is congested, you may be able to hear his breathing. If he is talking, and he is not a musician who has mastered circular breathing, then no minute scrutiny is required, since, obviously enough, his words come on the exhale, and he pauses to catch his breath.

Now that you have noticed the rhythm of Bart’s breathing, the third step is to align your breathing with his. Staying with this third step for several minutes is crucial in helping Bart to feel more relaxed. In some situations, the third step may be as far as you need to go before the other person starts to feel more comfortable where he is.

Step Four has two levels: one is to continue breathing in concert with Bart, and the other is to bring your awareness into the center of your chest cavity, noticing every sensation that occurs there, and observing every thought and feeling that seems to occur there.

Some noticeable sensations may be the beating of your heart, the expansion and contraction of your bronchials, changes in internal temperature and movements of muscles associated with breathing.

Some feelings that may seem to occur in your chest may take the form of impressions of colors, shapes, auditory memories, or other metaphoric thought forms. Keeping your breathing in sync with Bart’s, it is enough to simply observe whatever dreamlike images or sounds may seem to take place in your chest. If none do, the technique can still work just as well, as long as you keep your awareness in your chest area.

Step Five is the trickiest to successfully accomplish. To do it correctly is to have seemingly infinite patience, as if you have eternity before you, behind you, to port and to starboard. Very gradually, begin to slow your breathing. Or, if you like, repeat the following command to yourself at least six times. Repeating this command to yourself will most probably cause your breathing to slow on its own. The repetition of this command may also put you in a trance state or significantly deepen your trance state if you have already entered one: “Slow your breathing as slowly as you can slow your breathing.”

Step Six is to notice whether or not Bart’s breathing is still in concert with yours. If he is breathing faster than you are, then you can speed up your breathing to match the speed of his, breathe along with him for several minutes, and then slow down your breathing all over again, this time more gradually than you did the first time.

If Bart is still talking, exhale with him as he speaks, inhale with him as he pauses for breath. Pay more attention to your chest cavity than to his breathing, and more attention to his breathing than to the content of his speech. Once both of you are breathing at a more relaxed rate, when next he speaks, extend your exhalation a little longer than his, and while he is pausing for breath and you are still on the exhale, say “Uh-huh.”